Today, I had the chance to escape the same four walls I’ve been staring at for the last several weeks. The same four walls that have guarded me against everything and everyone in hopes of staying healthy.

If these walls could talk, they’d tell a tale of a girl who stayed in her pajamas for days at a time and ate her feelings in doughnuts and coffee. It would be a pretty anticlimactic and boring tale, but that’s just because it was the current state of her life. Anticlimactic and boring. Yet, through it all, she still tried to find happiness in the smallest of things.

Let me put everything in perspective for a minute so I can give a clear picture of where I’m at in life right now. That girl eating doughnuts? Me. And, that girl being lazy and not getting out of her pajamas for an undisclosed amount of time? Also, me. But, let’s pretend I didn’t just admit that. Because…who is even that girl? I don’t know her. You don’t know her. She definitely doesn’t hang around here too often. So, that’s why it’s best if we just pretend (for the sake of my reputation).

And, then, there was yesterday. Yesterday, I received a box from Amazon, and in that box, was 48 toothbrushes. Yes, you read that correctly. Forty-eight. The feeling I got when my friend opened that box was equivalent to a child opening presents on Christmas morning- giddy and so proud of her new possessions. Completely disregarding the fact that my friend was giving me the most judgmental look in the purest form, my eyes lit up, and I yelled, “Oh my God, my toothbrushes!!!”

So, that’s what I mean by anticlimactic and boring, but finding happiness in the smallest of things. Like ordering 48 toothbrushes just because I can. Or watching reruns of The Office on Netflix for the 87th time. Or going to the beach on an unusually warm day in February.

Today was the freest I’ve felt in a while despite not being able to go to public places in fear of exposing myself to germs and illnesses. My friend and I parked the car on Ocean Road, turned on some country music, and people-watched as I ate a doughnut (which I vowed to be my last for a long time). We also snuck out of the car for ten minutes so we could feel that ocean breeze and take this picture to document our first beach trip of the year.

It’s the little things in life that are keeping me going right now. I’ve put my entire life on hold and secluded myself from the world to give my body the best opportunity to stay strong and reap the benefits of Spinraza. The last few months have been so very far from easy, but I can only hope and pray this will all be worth it.


Author: Alyssa

Chronicling my journey while teaching the world that I have SMA, but it will NEVER have me. Life's what you make it, dare to make it a remarkable one✨

6 thoughts on “IF THESE FOUR WALLS…”

  1. I sincerely love reading your posts. It is helpful to see somebody with similarities to my situation. If you are interested, I would gladly share with you how I socialize. I barely ever leave my room. Maybe it can help you as well.

  2. God bless you Alyssa. I knew from the first time I met you at Bryant that you were a strong, determined young lady. You are an inspiration to all of us!

  3. Do you normally quarantine yourself? Or are you just doing this for the Spinraza treatments? And why? (Not judging, just genuinely curious)

    1. Hi Jade. I’m usually more careful during the winter months, but this year I decided to quarantine myself because I knew if I got sick, that would set me back in terms of reaping the benefits of Spinraza. I didn’t want to risk exposing myself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s